Entries
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
I am always defensive of myself, i may like to find excuses to whatever i don't do or do well in. But for some reason, I also can't convince myself to try again because the rewards are no longer convincing to me.
Much as I do not want to fail, But it is still failing. The experience of failing has plummeted to another new level dragging along what is so called the "leftover spirit" in me.
To some, I must not have done enough which i don't deny. Though I see this problem within myself, I can't change as i no longer dare to step out of the enclosure. I trap myself within this abyss of fear which has the equivalent of running away.
Is looking for stability a form of running away? Who knows for sure...but one thing that is guaranteed will be the fact I will live life peacefully i guess. No matter how I will suffer, as long I can see the result. I no longer want to suffer where I can't see the result at all. If this wall cannot be knocked down, what is the purpose of trying. The consequences is being hurt.
No one will help you. Some might think that what are friends for? They will help you in need but in this respect I mean that they are just certain types of issues where you can only find the answers and seek revelation within you.
Time taken to find the answers: UNKNOWN... and time waits for no man. I do not want to end up an old man still finding this answer.
Much as I do not want to fail, But it is still failing. The experience of failing has plummeted to another new level dragging along what is so called the "leftover spirit" in me.
To some, I must not have done enough which i don't deny. Though I see this problem within myself, I can't change as i no longer dare to step out of the enclosure. I trap myself within this abyss of fear which has the equivalent of running away.
Is looking for stability a form of running away? Who knows for sure...but one thing that is guaranteed will be the fact I will live life peacefully i guess. No matter how I will suffer, as long I can see the result. I no longer want to suffer where I can't see the result at all. If this wall cannot be knocked down, what is the purpose of trying. The consequences is being hurt.
No one will help you. Some might think that what are friends for? They will help you in need but in this respect I mean that they are just certain types of issues where you can only find the answers and seek revelation within you.
Time taken to find the answers: UNKNOWN... and time waits for no man. I do not want to end up an old man still finding this answer.
Run like the wind**
2:11 AM
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Its been a great few hours before i post this...why?
Been to Dini's wedding which in my opinion was a success minus the screw-ups from the food arrangement, so that should compensate or rather fulfil my insatiable appetite for basketball (Once in a lifetime only)...More to come as the years come along. Never mind...grrrr I will play basketball tomorrow irregardless who makes it or not. HAHA!!!!!!!!
Hmm...thereafter is the usual over the coffee talk. (More like sharing lesson to me ^_^)
Well...it turns out that why i do things this way or that way is due to the past experiences i had that i thought was just the "with all due respect" thinking, I realised i could be wrong. It might just be the other party being over-sensitive to what is portrayed at that particular point of time.
With this experience on hand, it seems that i have being too over-cautious and thus the outcome will tend to make someone feel uneasy/uncomfortable/unnatural in my company. Therefore, giving the wrong impression of having an ulterior motive which is worsen by the inability to express my thoughts and feelings well in major aspects as this "un-" kind of mood has the tendency to affect me as well.
I guess that i need to learn to express myself specifically or re-learn it for that matter. I cannot expect someone to second guess me or walk up to me to clarify his/her doubt because nobody does, when this happens, misunderstandings occurs. I will also learn to take the initiative to go up to someone to resolve if i am unsure what is the other party thinking.
Learning and still learning...if i want it, i got to ask and work to earn it. Looks like i am still a long long way to go.(KNS...JJ so NOOB!!! tsk tsk tsk HAHA!)
2 things, same concept, different methods...THAT'S ALL!
5 ideas which i thought was useful and food for thought:-
- Words of assurance
- Gifts of service
- Touch
- Feeling/Gifts
- Quality time
Do come tag me with your feedback...all opinion are appreciated.
I will change this with my own hands even though the mindset is of vast difference and will not be the same today and tomorrow. I will do whatever I can to sustain it.
Class dismissed...a good lesson learned, a good hint garnered, a good idea received :P like how takumi got the hint on the weakness of a 4WD, performing high-level braking with hi-tech equipment and ABS without need of a well trained right foot of a driver of a car without ABS. Hmm...how to superimpose the modern technology with skill to perform the ideal braking drift without wearing out the tires grip.
CY's gave me this template so i might as well post something to match up the theme. "Thanks" ah mak ar bo you you you______ (fill in the blanks yourself) ...LOL!!!!!!!!!!! JANNA!
Labels: What a "natural"...
Run like the wind**
4:04 AM
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
I guess this will be shortest post to date.
"Contract maintainance"...This two words has been on my mind since meeting today. 3k FYP and 4 cases.
Why? It seems like I have been pushed to become a salesman rather than being a consultant who provides his utmost duty of service.
Though I don't deny that sales is important but isn't service the core of why customers come back to us again and again. But I guess what has got to change is my mindset, I landed myself in this mess with the "pure" service mindset.
I thought I will want to sell with good service that it makes anyone willingly and convincingly buy the solutions to their needs.
Looks like the days are going to be down the drain, I need to push more I guess. The pace of the race against time is against me...To let go of the pedal and let is drift without its traction or pedal to the metal with powerslide, too much wear and tear or simply mine is low RPM with low HP?
Quite theme fitting right...(haha)
Hmm...I guess this 6 months will prove my worth in the sales line. Got to go call up people. Till next post.
"Contract maintainance"...This two words has been on my mind since meeting today. 3k FYP and 4 cases.
Why? It seems like I have been pushed to become a salesman rather than being a consultant who provides his utmost duty of service.
Though I don't deny that sales is important but isn't service the core of why customers come back to us again and again. But I guess what has got to change is my mindset, I landed myself in this mess with the "pure" service mindset.
I thought I will want to sell with good service that it makes anyone willingly and convincingly buy the solutions to their needs.
Looks like the days are going to be down the drain, I need to push more I guess. The pace of the race against time is against me...To let go of the pedal and let is drift without its traction or pedal to the metal with powerslide, too much wear and tear or simply mine is low RPM with low HP?
Quite theme fitting right...(haha)
Hmm...I guess this 6 months will prove my worth in the sales line. Got to go call up people. Till next post.
Run like the wind**
10:17 PM
Monday, January 4, 2010
It's been a rough week to put 2009 behind me, and, i started 2010 without any feel of a new year.
First, i am looking at a new career prospect that is gonna fail me which i will not take up (I will be a dumb if i do). I will look for alternatives instead ^_^
Secondly, with regards to basketball, i am determined to be a player again so as far as i am concerned, i will not hold regard and respect for those who use a prejudice mindset to judge me from my basketball and the way i do things. I apologise for putting so straightforward for i felt that i have done my part in terms of compromising.
Thirdly, i realised after a supper talk last night that why i sub-consciously felt the poor enthusiasm in things i am doing recently while others are just wishing to go for it again.
For the past few days for the new year, it did not feel any different from any weekends that i normally have 'coz i am still using "this month" to describe december when is already january...LOL yeah, i seriously felt abit lag. X_X
Nevertheless, thursday was a wonderful evening night out with my friends involving singing, drinking and goofing around. I did enjoyed myself that night especially chatting while on the way home. Chatting has always been my top of the list for passing time. WOOOTS!! :)
Last night supper with ph and bok was i would say a normal activity to others but seemingly will make me wanting to drag the time for as long as i can as the sharing was always meaningful even though some topics are repeated just like me and matthew always talking 'thru the night about our relationships, NBA, money and it never gets boring especially when we are consecutively for days talking about our "shit" in relationships. Most people would have told us to go get a life instead (Too sian liao) HAHA...what to do, this is "where shit happens" in life.
We were talking about how different people with different objectivity views the same thing in such a manner where it is like doing 2 different things...the sense of achievement, recognition, passion for certain things. The outcome that produces this image be it for self or to impress others which we so desire.
We also shared about why we started basketball and that how the objectives changed our motivations as the time goes by and are we still hanging onto the game because of the initial reasons?? Hmm...i guess not. Even i vaguely remember the true reason why i started this game (Still trying to recall since last night, TA MA DE...just can't recall) other the surface reasons of growing taller and girls.
Are we simply looking around for freshness or we have no targets to work towards to? Who knows for sure, but one thing for sure...whatever we cling onto, though the reasons change, but there is always just this ONE reason why we stay on.
First, i am looking at a new career prospect that is gonna fail me which i will not take up (I will be a dumb if i do). I will look for alternatives instead ^_^
Secondly, with regards to basketball, i am determined to be a player again so as far as i am concerned, i will not hold regard and respect for those who use a prejudice mindset to judge me from my basketball and the way i do things. I apologise for putting so straightforward for i felt that i have done my part in terms of compromising.
Thirdly, i realised after a supper talk last night that why i sub-consciously felt the poor enthusiasm in things i am doing recently while others are just wishing to go for it again.
For the past few days for the new year, it did not feel any different from any weekends that i normally have 'coz i am still using "this month" to describe december when is already january...LOL yeah, i seriously felt abit lag. X_X
Nevertheless, thursday was a wonderful evening night out with my friends involving singing, drinking and goofing around. I did enjoyed myself that night especially chatting while on the way home. Chatting has always been my top of the list for passing time. WOOOTS!! :)
Last night supper with ph and bok was i would say a normal activity to others but seemingly will make me wanting to drag the time for as long as i can as the sharing was always meaningful even though some topics are repeated just like me and matthew always talking 'thru the night about our relationships, NBA, money and it never gets boring especially when we are consecutively for days talking about our "shit" in relationships. Most people would have told us to go get a life instead (Too sian liao) HAHA...what to do, this is "where shit happens" in life.
We were talking about how different people with different objectivity views the same thing in such a manner where it is like doing 2 different things...the sense of achievement, recognition, passion for certain things. The outcome that produces this image be it for self or to impress others which we so desire.
We also shared about why we started basketball and that how the objectives changed our motivations as the time goes by and are we still hanging onto the game because of the initial reasons?? Hmm...i guess not. Even i vaguely remember the true reason why i started this game (Still trying to recall since last night, TA MA DE...just can't recall) other the surface reasons of growing taller and girls.
Are we simply looking around for freshness or we have no targets to work towards to? Who knows for sure, but one thing for sure...whatever we cling onto, though the reasons change, but there is always just this ONE reason why we stay on.
Well...i guess lately there are alot of distractions that prevent anyone from keeping a sole focus to do that particular thing. That's what i meant by freshness and has-beens...like a particular stuff that keeps people on it and people who have been there done there which equates to the different amount of "sian-ness" (This part is no link and random i guess :) )
Lets end here for now... off to feed my passion...bye till next time. ^^
I care for you and always wanting to tell you "I LOVE YOU" which simply means my heart-felt feelings translated to words.
Run like the wind**
1:50 PM